Eliminating the Clutter After Death

It was a bittersweet week here at Our Little House. Our book, “Living Large in Our Little House: Thriving in 480-Square Feet with Six Dogs, a Husband and One Remote”was released in its paperback version. The paperback contains a memorial I wrote about Dale. Thanks to our community, it hit #1 new best seller for small house/cottage books. 

As I move forward, trying to figure out what my life will be without Dale, I’ve had to do a lot of purging, not just from my mind, but also from the house and studio. Later, I will work with some family members who are coming down to help me in the garages. After that, there will likely be an auction. 

Although we try to maintain as little clutter as possible, even when we have small homes, it seems to build up. It didn’t help that I brought many things of my mother’s. After her death in early 2007 and our move here shortly thereafter, I couldn’t bear to part with much of it. Now, 12 years later, I will be forced to not only deal with her things, but Dale’s. As I go through boxes and decide what to do with her furniture, it will be like opening the wound of her loss all over again. 

It’s hard, but this time, I’m choosing to deal with Dale’s things immediately. It is like I’m losing a piece of him each time I let one of his tools or even his beloved Little Giant Ladders, go. (Really, he loved those ladders!) 

However, age and many losses have finally taught me that our lost loved ones were not what they owned, those were only things that brought them joy while they were here. Theyare the love we still have for them in our hearts and the memories we carry in our minds. 

The rest, is well, just clutter. 

Last summer, after stumbling into a fan, I ended up in wound care. Dale took me faithfully each week for four weeks and helped me dress the wound. For the first two weeks, the doctor would numb my leg and scrape the “bad” scab off. They do that because not all scabbing is good, some harbors bacteria and can cause infection. Finally, on the third week, they announced I had “good” scabbing, the kind that would heal the wound. 

I compare the wounds in my heart to that wound I had on my leg. Allowing the clutter to sit here reminding me of the past and opening the wounds each time I see it is not good for my mental well-being. 

I’d rather do it now rather than later. My advice: Don’t wait until the wound of your loss has scarred over and you have to go digging through all the stuff again and reopen the wounds. Do it now, while the wound is still fresh.  

Then, I believe the scab will be able to form completely and eventually scar. That scar will be ever-present,  but there won’t be so many physical memories to re-open it again and again years down the road. 

Have you had to deal with the stuff of a deceased loved one? Did you do it soon, or many months or even years later?